Caring about movement

Teaching at the Communication & Partner Work Workshop 2023 with Joseph Bartz and Laura Sol.

How to care about movement in a more essential way?

How can it become something that matters to me because it feels good and supports me instead of becoming another to do on a list?

These are questions that I contemplate quite often, specially when working with people who find a lot of resistance to start a movement practice.

What I observe is that many people tend to restrict the idea of movement to one word: doing exercise. Which often translates in going to the gym, or playing soccer, or doing yoga or or or.

The thing is that movement goes way beyond than exercising. Movement goes way beyond than a specific discipline, or shape or name. As a practice, it offers a more generous way of approaching ourselves and what our bodies can do.

There is a lot of room between going to the gym once a year and running for a marathon and practicing every day 24/7.

Moving regularly is a principle of life. But this principle doesn’t set how movement is or has to look like. It doesn’t mean we have to do this or that exercises. Or practicing this or that sport.

Of course that doing exercises or focusing on one discipline can be VERY helpful for a lot of people. It creates structure, it gives feedback, you can improve a certain skill. But if you think this is it, you are missing the point. It can be way more simple. And maybe this can serve as a relief, specially if you struggle in creating movement in your life.

People can get so stressed about moving more, doing more physical activity and so on. I care about reminding people that moving more can be actually fun, light and detached from pressure. There is a huge potential for lightness and enjoyment when it comes to movement.

But this is not so easy to understand.

It is enough to spend a few minutes on instagram to realize that when it comes to movement and physical practice , the most common associations are able-bodied people looking a certain way, dressing a certain way, showing their flat bellies and muscular bodies and executing things that seem so far away from the reality of most people.

I myself belong in a way to this group. I am able-bodied and through years of a regular physical practice, I am able to “do” certain things like pulling myself up on a bar, or kicking into a handstand. I haven’t asked but I sense that when I publish a video of a day of practice, a lot of people might think I have been doing this since a young child or that I have talent and so on and thus decide we are way too different. Some might find it inspiring, other might get triggered.

What matters to me is movement way more than doing a specific movement. It is a lot of fun to do strength training for me nowadays, but it wasn’t always like that and I now for many people this is just not the case. I also enjoy playing with friends, walking for long time, dancing, fighting. I am curious about movement in general and this truly helps to see it as a practice. As something that will take various shapes throughout my life. And it will never end. It will go way beyond my own existence.

This is what I mean with essential. It is something that was there before me and will keep going.

Movement is part of my life and it will keep developing with me and developing me.

It is something that connects me to other people, that open my sense. It literally can make us see with more clarity, think with more clarity, react to situations with more precision and perceive things with more clarity. It is a physiological phenomena – our whole body is designed for movement – but is also a historical, social and spiritual one – just consider that dancing is one of the most ancient things people have been doing!

Movement is a universal need. But again, this can have various shapes. To move more does not mean to go more often to the gym. Nor to run a marathon. Nor to swim I dont how many meters weekly.

So please, if you are stressing out about the things you are not doing, or how that influencer is showing her abs or how jumping on the jumping class makes you feel bad, maybe you also want to contemplate the same question as me. How can you care about movement in a more essential way? And essential here is something that suits you. That you can relate to. This can be a sport, or the person who is guiding the class, or music, or how it reminds you of something. Maybe this looks like walking in the park or dancing or spending time on the garden.

Keep stretching your eyes. Movement is out there, in the simplicity of rolling on the ground with your child or moving the hips to a song you like.

Cat of Belgrad

cat and me = working for the same purpose

I met this cat in Belgrad. I call it: the cat of Belgrad. One day the cat of Belgrad asked me: “What is that you do for people?” I didn’t overthink and spitted it out: “I help them remember how much it matters to dance and jump and play and walk and be outside with others”. The cat of Belgrad looked back at me and said: “Me too”.

Encounters

encounters happen in the body

In this improvisation you see clearly movement and expression and qualities but what you don’t see are the two women I met that morning, sitting on the park bench, plucking their eyebrows, drinking bear and smoking. Their eyes looked at me sometimes. I recognized, or imagined, a certain sadness in the way they held their heads.

You also don’t see the conversation I had with a Chinese medicine doctor who told me about a guitar song I didn’t know and which I then listened for the first time while dancing.

These are just random moments of my day. They encountered themselves and created a third element: this improvised dance. And this dance took me then to other places, unexpected ones that arose from this encounter.

We are all full of encounters who are ready to become something else — a dance, an emotion, a pause, a text. Creativity does not arise from the nothing but from perceiving encounters.

Love #10 (and some other emotions)

Commitment to a regular practice is not a linear street.

It can feel easy sometimes. And it can also feel challenging.

I have gone through 2 weeks of lower commitment to my regular writing practice. Barely no writing online – some stuff on Instagram (which I by the way deleted recently). Some journaling, but not everyday.

I had less energy in general, and focused my time to things that were nourishing me more — sleeping, eating well, being outside, enjoying the love of a friend visiting.

So now, what do I do? I just start again. Some shame already came say hellllooo and told me you faileeeeed. I see it, I even allow it, and I then I just start writing. I do it anyway.

This is maybe one of the most powerful learnings I had from coaching with Maisie Hill: there is no “falling off the horse”. You can just start wherever you are, again and again. I am still on top of it.

I wanted to write these lines before I get back to the chapters of bell hooks on love. Because sometimes it might seem that on the neighbours garden, all is easy and beautiful. It is not. It is also challenging and tough, and that is, I observe, part of the human experience. Not even a bit less rich and interesting and precious. And lovable!

Communication and honesty feel good!

***

In the following lines I continue with the chapter 9 of “All about Love”.

This chapter is called “Mutuality: The heart of love”. In the times of Chat GPT, where you could just easily get a summary of this book in a few lines (I tried, it is shit) I enjoy even more to do thee artisanal work of reading the chapter myself and self-picking what I find touching – that is my agenda.

I hope your perception of speed (havenotimeforthisletsaskchatgptinstead) has not been so altered in the last few days and you still can read on this blog with maybe a cup of coffee or tea (but this is totally not obligatory hehe).

So, mutuality hm? It has to do with sides. One side there, one side here. hooks reminds us that love happens when, in a relationship of any kind, both parties are willing to love as the order of the day. Love has to overpower power so that it can flourish.

The essence of this thought in two quotes I wrote down:

“On this planet nobody really has the opportunity to know love since it is power and not love that is the order of the day. (p.152).”

And:

“Love will not prevail in any situation where one party, either female or male, wants to maintain control”(p.152).

Once we enter the space of relating to others – which is basically happening all the time if we think of the extended communities we all live in, from the supermarket cashier to our mum — we have to chance to practice love.

And the practice of love, bear in mind, “offers no place of safety. We risk loss, hurt, pain. Ww risk being acted upon by forces outside our control. (p.153)”

But there is not practice of love if we do not choose love as the way to go — as what we want, even if we are not sure what it means. We might know it because we read a book or, hopefully, because we have experienced that ourselves in the childhood or through the presence of other loving beings in our life.

As adults, we might struggle to commit to love and really understand that mutuality is its essence. In our society, people tend to think love is a gendered issue. Women learn about love, they are more prone to openness and compassion, so love is just more their thing. hooks reminds us many times in a row that this kind of thought only creates harder dynamics of power. Women and men in any kind of relationship – heterosexual, homosexual, you name – are able to express and experience love.

We might have to outgrow our pain.

We might have to learn how to communicate.

We might have to learn how to listen.

Love is not a place we enter and all turns into butterflies and flowers. It is a space that allows healing as much (and maybe even because) it allows pain. Accepting pain is part of a practice of love, says hooks.

“False notions of love teach us that it is the place where we will feel no pain, where we will be in a state of constant bliss. We have to expose that falseness of these beliefs to see and accept the reality that suffering and pain do not end when we beging to love. (p.159).”

I love practices. Structuring and thinking about practices is a big part of my work. And as any other practice, the practice of love takes time and energy. But it is also gives us so much. I would dare to say that it even gives us more time and energy.

Another point hooks highlights in this chapter is that love makes us want to give more. I enjoyed reading the quote below, and I will split it into a few paragraphs so you can read it better:

“Generous sharing of all resources is one concrete way to express love. These resources can be time, attention, material objects, skills, money etc. Once we embark on love’s path we see how easy it is to give.”

“A useful gift all love’s practitioners can give is the offering of forgiveness.”

“It not only allows us to move away from blame, from seeing others as the cause of our sustained lovelessness, but it enables us to experience agency, to know we can be responsible for giving and finding love.”(p.163).

Giving is also the base of mutuality, the base of common growth in all kinds of romantic relationships. And mutuality is a way, so says hooks, to “heal the gender war rooted in struggles for power” (p.164). “Women and men (can) choose to make mutuality (as) the basis of their bond, ensuring that each persons growth matters and is nurtured (p.164).

Generosity and our ability to give is a powerful way of connecting to joy in our life. Just as it is a powerful teaching on love itself

“A generous heart is always open, always ready to receive our going and coming. In the midst of such love we need never fear abandonment. This is the most precious gift true love offers – the experience of knowing we always belong (p.164). “

Mutuality is the heart of love as the name of the chapter says. Giving, being generous with one another is the call to action of this chapter. “When we give something to someone”, says Sharon Salzberg in the opening quote of this chapter, “we feel connected to them, and our commitment to the path of peace and awareness deepens” (p.145).

Let us be guided by mutual generosity. Give the resources you have – and you can even start today with one of the most powerful one: the ability to listen to others without judgement.

If you want, let me know how it goes.

Otherwise we meet here again for the next chapter on “Romance: Sweet Love”.

I appreciate your time, dear readers! Thank you for being here!