A week of ZERO creative desire

A week of ZERO creative desire

#newsletter #september #creativity #creativebody

Last Sunday I went to bed with the feeling that something was… off. A few hours later: fever, pain all over my body, and that clear inner knowing of “I am sick.”

I cancelled all my appointments and watched my week shift from “I have so many plans” to “I only feel like sleeping.” What I also noticed? I felt ZERO interest in being creative.

I craved specific foods I usually eat when I get the flu. I didn’t want to write, to dance, to talk. 

My main movement anchors were short walks with my dog and a bit of my “seaweed dance” (I’m preparing a free video on that soon — it’s a nice entry point into a softness practice, something that is SO important when we are lying low). I got so often reminded of the question “How is your practice preparing you for sickness?. But that’s another topic.

What struck me is how essential creativity is to our system — yet when the body is busy surviving, creativity seems like just not a huge priority. No scientific study behind this, just my observation.

And then came today, Saturday, exactly a week later. My partner, my dog and I went for a proper walk in the woods. Already on the way I noticed something was different. I actually wanted a longer walk. 

Then at some point during our walk, while my partner was carving some wood, I saw these two trees side by side: one thin and springy, the other tall with a beautiful branch just out of reach. And you know what I thouhgt: “How can I get up there?” 

So I got closer, played around, tried things out. I wasn’t thinking about how demanding it might be or whether I was “ready.” I was just moved by desire to discover.

I climbed. It was fun, also a little strenuous, I confess. Only when my feet touched the ground again and we started to walk home, I realised “AH! Something has changed. I feel open, wider”. 

Health and sickness are moving states woven by our perception. I don’t need a doctor to tell me I have the flu — I feel it. And I don’t need one to tell me I’m well again — I feel that too. But on the latter, I find it less clear to have a reference point. 

For me, the DESIRE to be creative is one strong reference. The desire to play, to write, to dance. The energy for ideas and solutions and wanting to try out new stuff, even if the strength to fully act isn’t back yet.

My observation is that this is something that developed through time and pratcitce. That to sense this kind of desire, we need to practice sensing desire in daily life. Or sensing, in general: sensing beauty, sensing calm, nervousness, sensing joy and sadness and anger. 

Perception is a practice, friends.

When we’re sick, our perception can stay locked in that state until something helps release it. That’s also why having a a creative movement practice as a baseline really matters. If you have like 1 or 2 things you can do when you feel strong and powerful and when you are sick, it will help you releasing your perception. This is one small reason (out of millions) to enlarge your practice, friends, Or to join The Creative Body in October. But more to it at some other point. 

Now, that’s not how I like to end things, but there is no other way: I decided to postpone The Creating Group.

This week of sickness gave me time to reflect and this feels like the right decision. Thank you for your kind messages of excitement and resonance, by the way! I haven’t given up on the idea, only on the timing! 

If you’d like to be sure you hear about the future TCG and get a special super-early-bird discount, you can put your name on 👉 the waiting list .

Sending you a big hug,
Yours,
Mariana